Last day of the job

Yesterday was my last day at work in my old job. Because of the current situation, my team and some of my colleagues sent my flowers and a hamper which I though was lovely and very unexpected. SometimesI think I underestimate the effect I have on people and I must be a better people manager than I give myself credit for.

I sometimes wonder if this lack of trust in my abilities is not symptomatic of my perception of life in general. I don’t expect people to have a positive intent or a high opinion of me and what I do or say although I am assured that I am well liked and seen positively by a lot of people.

I wonder sometimes where this skewed perception comes from? Could it be that my childhood experiences still influence my current thinking so much? I was never praised and nothing I did was worth noting or assessed positively. I am not even sure that this is not repeated in this marriage that I have been living in for so long. My husband’s reaction to the flowers and hamper were not “you deserve this” or “they like you as much as I do” but just pulling faces that could be interpreted as jealousy. Overall I sometimes think he does not like me being successful at work or study…. but perhaps that is me not expecting positive things….

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