Yesterday was my last day at work in my old job. Because of the current situation, my team and some of my colleagues sent my flowers and a hamper which I though was lovely and very unexpected. SometimesI think I underestimate the effect I have on people and I must be a better people manager than I give myself credit for.
I sometimes wonder if this lack of trust in my abilities is not symptomatic of my perception of life in general. I don’t expect people to have a positive intent or a high opinion of me and what I do or say although I am assured that I am well liked and seen positively by a lot of people.
I wonder sometimes where this skewed perception comes from? Could it be that my childhood experiences still influence my current thinking so much? I was never praised and nothing I did was worth noting or assessed positively. I am not even sure that this is not repeated in this marriage that I have been living in for so long. My husband’s reaction to the flowers and hamper were not “you deserve this” or “they like you as much as I do” but just pulling faces that could be interpreted as jealousy. Overall I sometimes think he does not like me being successful at work or study…. but perhaps that is me not expecting positive things….